I have some horrible news for the millions of fans out there. Vampires and werewolves do not exist. No Edward, no Jacob. Sadly no Alice either, right Bill? They are actors people. There is no Santa or Tooth Fairy either. So stop dressing like a vampire, and claiming to drink blood. Think about it. Why would blood be the only body fluid that would change you into a vampire? Why not semen? Or vampire shit? Christ. Werewolves are just as bad. Instead of just getting uncontrolled boners with puberty you get the urge to turn into a giant wolf. I’m not even going to get into it. Although I know a few dudes that turned into giants when they hit puberty none of them turned into wolves.

Turn off your cell phone at the gym asshole. There is nothing in this world so important that can’t wait until the workout is over. The need to check your text messages after each set is fucking retarded. Plus when I walk by and accidentally drop a plate on it, it is because your fucking phone should be in your car or your locker. I know you think you look like the most popular guy in the world, but you really only actually look like a fucking retard. Plus I don’t want to pull the weight off you when you get distracted trying to lift too much and the phone bings because you have another message and you just have to get it now.

I’m going to bitch about stuff. I know it’s not my way, but I seem to be getting easily agitated of late. Either I’ve developed the male version of PMS or I’m not getting enough sex.

Subway
When did Subway get so fucking shitty and why has no one else noticed? Everytime I go there I think holy fuck is this a terrible sub. Seriously why don’t they have mushrooms or pineapples as a choice of topping? Thank god they have shredded carrots though because I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my sub without a handful of those fucking things. Not to mention the fact that the meat in their subs is now closer to horse meat than what it’s supposed to be - mmm delicious horse meat. Hell maybe that’s how Jared got so thin, they chopped off his belly fat and are now putting it in their cold cut combo. Yet everytime I go by the one in the mall at lunch there is a line at least 20 deep. Personally if you’re looking for a sub try out Quiznos or the long lost Mr. Sub. They kick the living shit out of Subway.