Tiger Woods was banging dirty skanks he met at bars and parties? To hell you say! He has one of the hottest wives on the planet, he lives in paradise and he plays golf for a living. And he is not happy at home. Why could that be? Hey ladies. You might want to sit down before you read this. I have a little life lesson for you. I know this one is going to shock you to the core. When you stop putting out your man is going to find someone who will! There you go. It is a very simple lesson. I can write it out as a calculus equation if you want me to but it would take too much time.

I don’t care how hot you are, or how you dress, or how many meals you cook. I don’t even care if you are rich. A man cannot perform certain sexual acts on himself. For the most part he won’t even try. No matter how many times you tell us to. We have been spanking it since we hit puberty. We know all our own moves. It is not a thrill anymore. We can get by for a little while on it, tops around a week. A man cannot subsist on porn alone. We need you to do it for us. That is why you are there.

Talk companionship and best friends and what have you, but I am being brutally honest here, if we are not attracted physically, and sexually to you our relationship is doomed. If you hold out too long we will lose interest and we will find someone who will fuck us. We know you are tired from working all day, and the kids, and cooking supper and whatever. It is not like we are sitting around all day doing nothing. Excuses only work for so long before we realize you just don’t like to fuck us anymore.

So we need to take matters into our own hands. So we put the feelers out to see who else is out there. We refuse to apologize for this as well. There is no hard-wire to procreate bullshit or anything like that. It is simply our favourite thing to do. Sexual pleasure. It builds confidence, burns calories and flat out makes us feel better about ourselves. Having a bad day? Hung over? Work fucking sucks your will to live and you want to go home and crawl into a bottle and never come out? Trust me. If there is a willing lady at home, all those things fade away.

So think about it girls. You don’t need to look like a super model. We think you are beautiful. Especially with your clothes strewn all over the living room floor.