Aren’t some of the sayings in the English language precious? Usually they make sense, or at least you’ve trained yourself to understand what they mean. Every so often though, someone uses a phrase that makes you wonder what the fuck was that. Personally they usually happen while I’m flying a kite or darning socks, but sometimes they happen during more important activities – like having sex. While the use of this phrase didn’t send me for a complete loop as I’ve heard it before, but for some reason this time it twigged in my brain that it made no sense. (That’s right mom I’ve had sex at least twice in my life)

I guess ladies you have likely never had anyone say this phrase to you - unless of course your man enjoys you strapping on a rubber cock and drilling an oil well in their ass. Anyway if someone says “fuck the shit out of me” what do you do? Do you hope to send them into a land of uncontrollable ecstasy where they can no longer control their bowel movement - I can smell the romance already. Somehow if a pile of feces popped out during a romp in the sack I don’t think the lady would roll over and say “that was awesome”. I think morti-fucking-fied might be a better response, although I’m pretty sure I’d be tossing my cookies and might not notice how embarrassed she was.

Unfortunately I can’t exactly search for the origins of this phrase on Google as the only entries that pop up are of the pornographic variety or they actually depict the literal translation of the phrase. Attempting to decipher it in my brain I’m not sure I can come to a reasonable conclusion. First I assume it means to be somewhat dominating and physical, but I don’t think I’ve been hit hard enough to cause shit to come out of me at any point in life let alone during sex. Plus I’m not sure I can knock a girl out by ramming my unit into her happy place - unless of course her head hit the headboard. Next I thought maybe it’s intended to mean really good, but as much as I like dropping a deuce its not what I want to associate with good feelings - especially when my boner is involved. Finally I decided that I would give up understanding where it came from and come up with better phrases.

Ultimately that’s more fun and I get to be stupid. My front runner thus far is – Fuck me sternly to an orgasm that doesn’t include shit. I anticipate some incredible responses to this article. Don’t let me down people.