So who’s seen the new toilet paper commercials with the bears? You know the one with the extra strong toilet paper that apparently doesn’t break off in little bits when you’re wiping your nether regions.

At first I didn’t think much of it. I was sitting there zoning out during the commercial break and then I realized what was going on. Is this truly an issue that people are facing globally? I would assume there must have been some demand for such a product or else the company wouldn’t have produced it. I can honestly say that has never happened to me. I guess it could have and I didn’t notice, but I’m pretty sure I would notice bits of toilet paper stuck to my backside. More importantly to those that this does happen to what are you eating to cause such an issue? Does it turn to gum that sticks to the toilet paper and you? Or is it more like hard spikes that rip through the toilet paper? Either way you should see a doctor and describe how you’re able to cause toilet paper shards to stick to you. Doctors I beg you to explain to us common folk the root of this problem because I would like to attempt it.

I know this seems like a completely useless topic to rant about, but just imagine if we could put the time and money it took to develop this product towards something that was genuinely useful. I’m not saying we could solve the world’s problems, but there has to be something better than reinventing toilet paper so it doesn’t leave remnants in what I would assume is a small percentage of the population. Do you really have to keep your research staff working? I would say that we’ve pretty much mastered toilet paper.