With the release of 0 albums and 0 hits songs, Sticky White Rice & Gravy (SWRG) is a band of the future. When or if they will produce anything has yet to be seen, but if they do I am certain that it will be epic - in a 1986 sort of way. Their fire burns with mediocrity and crappy 80’s ballads in such a way that it inspires children to pick up books rather than consider listening to their music. This passion is further compounded by the amount of booze they must consume to perform at any level whatsoever. With that I bring you Sticky White Rice & Gravy!

Sticky – Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals
Silky smooth like Silhouette yogurt, Sticky is a man on a mission when it comes to his guitar. His patented fist pump really gets the crowd buzzing and his frequent bloodshot and bug eyed look is a sight that burns itself deep into the minds of fans. His love of Jager-bombs may outweigh his passion for music, but that doesn’t mean he can’t strum a chord or two when called upon. They may not be the right chords and they may sound like shit, but damn his conviction to them is unsurpassed. His backing vocals, mostly random yelling, send chills down the spine of anyone who witnesses them.

White – Bass Guitar, Keytar
Whiter than Crest White Strips, White is often the voice of reason for SWRG and this translates into his methodic single note bass strumming. His method is unique to the industry and will likely influence others on what not to do for many generations. Regardless his contribution to SWRG is as significant as any of the four. White recently added the Keytar to his repertoire to fill in for the fact that SWRG doesn’t have a keyboardist. Reluctant at first the transition has been smooth and he has progressed from being only able to play “Hot Crossed Buns” all the way up to “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. If he continues at this pace SWRG will be able to play songs involving keyboards in 2027.

Rice – Drums
Wilder than boiling Wild Rice on a Saturday, Rice is a drum thumping machine. His unique blend of random symbol smashes and off-beat kicker beats makes him an incredible asset. Rice continues to practice utilizing a copy of Rock Band for the Xbox 360 although his progress has been hampered by an addiction to NHL ’09 and trash talking children under 12. He has almost progressed through Easy mode and should be ready to tackle Medium and the world any day now. SWRG is looking forward to that day with great anticipation and so should you.

Gravy – Lead Vocals, Tambourine
Lumpy and brown, Gravy epitomizes front man. His angelic vocals make women shake with anticipation, at which point he leaves them there to fend for themselves or find another man interested in helping them complete their journey. His inability to take a photo without his trademark two-finger peace pose has made it difficult for the band to get any cover art for their next album completed, but the band is working through the issue. At times his dedication to the band has been questioned, but that’s mostly been attributed to the fact that he’s never met a VLT machine he didn’t like. SWRG will only be playing bars containing VLTs for this reason.

Look for Sticky White Rice & Gravy’s first album coming out soon.